the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
