If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
