hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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