if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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