Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
