I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
