my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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