I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
