Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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