If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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