I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
