Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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