Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
