Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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