I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
And then he peed in my hair
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