I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
