I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
