We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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