I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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