wanna go halves on a baby?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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