so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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