He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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