Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
