why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
