he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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