I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
