TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
