Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
