I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She said her name was "party"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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