The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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