You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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