my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
