R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my shit smells like andre
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
