I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize