I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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