So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
