Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
