I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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