so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
