Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
