its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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