I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
