12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
