From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
