Don't you send me to vm
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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