he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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