You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
