birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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