So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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