New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
