Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
