Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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