And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
