soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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