To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
