Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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