You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
