I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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