i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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