There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's official drugs can't kill me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
