Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
