so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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