She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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