May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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