Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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