We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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