Apparently you make a good broom.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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