If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
