I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
