...so i touched it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
