We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
