i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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